From Courtroom to Common Ground. Member Spotlight: Margaret Thirlway
In London and nearby Hertfordshire, Margaret Thirlway has built a career that sits quietly at the heart of conflict and resolution. Her path into mediation was a gradual realization that the work she found most meaningful was not about winning, but about helping people find a way forward. Margaret describes her early years with a sense of clarity. She grew up between England and the Netherlands and attended a French primary school, an experience that gave her both fluency in French and a sensitivity to different cultures. That awareness would later shape how she approached conflict. She studied law at Cambridge and went on to qualify as a solicitor, stepping into a profession she genuinely enjoyed.
At the beginning of her career, she was drawn to litigation, to the cut and thrust of legal disputes. But something in that work began to shift over time. “I realized that settling cases was what I enjoyed most, and I was good at it,” she explains. The turning point was decisive. That ability opened up a different way of thinking about the law, not as a battleground, but as a space where resolution could be crafted. “The legal field is not just about winning, it’s about getting the best results for your clients,” she says. “A lot of legal work in a way is also a contribution to peace, because it sorts things out before the problem goes to court – or worse still, the parties take matters into their own hands.”
In 2006 Margaret transitioned from private practice into the British civil service, a move that brought her closer to large scale systems and high stakes negotiations. She spent some years advising the government on cross-public sector employment and pensions issues, and was an integral part of the fisheries negotiations team during the Brexit negotiations with the European Union, an experience that deepened her appreciation for the complexity of dialogue and agreement at the international level. Yet today it is often the smaller, interpersonal conflicts within the civil service that define her day to day work.
Margaret was searching for a way to contribute more directly to peacemaking, and in 2020 she qualified as a workplace mediator, adding a new dimension to her work. Disputes between staff arise in all workplaces, and the civil service is no different, so there is a central mediation service to which disputes can be referred. The mediators are fully trained and qualified, but they often continue with their “day job” alongside their mediation work. The model used is co-mediation, where two mediators guide the process together. Margaret describes it simply as a “great model,” one that not only supports the mediators but also creates a more balanced environment for those involved. The goal is not just to resolve a dispute, but to restore a working relationship. “Often people go back to a much better state with a better relationship, they understand each other better,” she says. In her words, it is about creating “peace in the civil service.”
Her instinct for mediation, however, predates her professional life. “Even as a child my instinct was always to try to defuse disputes and calm people down, and I think I had a natural bent for it,” she recalls. That early inclination continues to shape her philosophy today. For Margaret, peace is something grounded in human connection. “Peace happens when you get to see the other person as a fellow human,” she says. It is also tied to a sense of justice, though she is careful to point out that justice is not fixed. “Peace happens when people feel they have had sufficient justice to allow them to settle down and move on.” Sometimes, she adds, that simply means being heard. “Sometimes people need to feel that they’ve been listened to enough, and then they can move on.”
The work itself is rarely straightforward. Mediation sessions can shift quickly, especially when emotions run high. Margaret speaks about moments when someone introduces a difficult or unexpected comment that disrupts the process. Navigating those moments requires patience and careful judgment. Timing is another critical factor. Parties not being ready, she explains, can undermine even the most well designed process. “Getting them together at the wrong moment won’t work, no matter how good the mediator is.”
She approaches these challenges with a strong awareness of both individual and collective dynamics. “We think carefully about our own biases,” she says, emphasizing the importance of self reflection. At the same time, she looks for what values, ideas and aims the parties might share. “What common ground can we help them find?” Ensuring that the process feels fair and safe for everyone involved is central to her approach. That includes being attentive to vulnerabilities and differences in background, whether cultural, professional, or personal.
Trust is built gradually. Before any joint session takes place, Margaret and her co-mediator meet with each participant individually. These preliminary conversations are not just procedural. They are the foundation of the entire process. They allow people to share their perspectives, often for the first time in a setting where they feel heard. From there, she relies on active listening and a careful balance of impartiality and empathy. “We accept people as they are, without either approving or disapproving what they say and feel. We are there for each of them; we are “for” them, but without taking sides” she explains. Creating a space where people feel comfortable enough to speak openly is essential.
When mediation works well, the shift can be subtle but powerful. Margaret describes the most successful cases with a sense of quiet satisfaction. “The best ones are where you get towards the end, and it’s almost like they don’t need you at all,” she says. “They’re getting on as human beings, and that’s a big, big win.” Success is not always about agreement to take specific steps. It can be as simple as a reduction in anger, or a new understanding of the other person’s perspective. “If they are less angry and upset with each other, understanding where the other person is coming from,” she says, “that’s getting the relationship back on the road.”
Her perspective on conflict has evolved significantly since her early days in litigation. “When I started as a litigator, I thought it was all about fighting a case and winning,” she reflects. “But what I hadn’t realized was the importance of being heard, and the importance of time.” That realization has shaped not only how she works, but how she understands conflict itself.
Despite the challenges, Margaret remains hopeful. “I think in the end that mediation does work if it comes at the right time,” she says. Her optimism is grounded in a belief about human nature. “I don’t think human beings actually like being in conflict.” Given the opportunity to get together, she believes people are capable of treating each other well. “If you can get people together then you have a chance.”
Looking ahead, she is interested in expanding her work beyond the civil service. One area that particularly excites her is peer mediation in schools. She is planning to take part in a session in June, exploring how these skills can be introduced at an early age. “You’re not just helping those particular young people or that particular school,” she says. “Those kids will then have those skills for life. We might even be able to change the whole culture!” Alongside this, she is drawn to community building and efforts to counter polarization, even as she acknowledges the challenges of funding in the peacebuilding sector.
Through all of it, Margaret Thirlway’s work returns to the simple idea that conflict is inevitable, but how people engage with it can change everything. When individuals are given the space to listen and be heard, to see each other not as adversaries but as human beings, something shifts. And in that shift, whether in international conflicts or in the most ordinary workplace disputes, there is the possibility of peace.
Article by Shamailah Islam, MBBI Writer