A family mediation expert, Dr. Beverly Ross, has identified active listening as a critical factor to successful mediation. According to her, “cautionary and deliberate” listening is paramount to mediation of all types and forms.  She believes a demonstrated willingness to listen helps all sides to focus on carving out an effective solution to a simmering tension or dispute.

Speaking in an interview with MBBI on August 24, 2018, Dr. Ross reasoned that:

In an effectively conducted mediation, wherein both sides are made to sit down and are exposed to each other, they learn to listen and are forced to confront their faulty beliefs about one another. Actively listening rather than waiting to respond or to have the last word helps [conflicting parties] gain insights into what [either side] is thinking and what their experiences are.

She cited South Africa’s approach to peace-building through dialogue and active listening as an excellent example of the benefits of active listening in mediation. South Africa has a protracted history of racial injustice and gross human rights violations. 

In its search for sustained peace, it “established Truth and Reconciliation Commission (TRC) which goes a long way [in ensuring] group stability and harmony,” added Dr. Ross. The South African TRC heard the stories of both victims and perpetrators of violence and became a crucial component of that country’s transition to full democracy. This is something, Dr. Ross added, North Ireland struggled to accept; hence, a protracted conflict between the Catholics and Protestants still lingers.

The bottom line is that mediation flourishes on active listening.  It provides the opportunity to hear the story of the other side, she further noted.

If we remain closed off from each other, we tend to hold onto stereotypes and negative perceptions. But once we are exposed to somebody that is different than us, our predetermined perceptions are challenged. We are more likely to be accepting of somebody that we have face-to-face exposure with.

Dr. Ross has several years of practical experience as a mediator. She is a staunch believer that mediation:

1. Challenges us to see things from a different perspective
2. Bridges existing gaps by sitting parties down and providing them with the opportunity to share their views
3. Attempts to restore power balance by amplifying the voices of those who may not have had a say prior to the mediation
4. Provides a priceless chance to change the dynamics of the conflict or the approach to addressing it—for example, TRC

Family Mediation

For several years Dr. Ross has mediated family disputes of all types, sizes, and forms. Throughout her career, she has realized that “getting the parents to recognize that their dislike for each other is really having a long-term impact on their children” is the stickiest part of her job. Though she manages to get some parents to come to terms with this fact, there are others who make this a “frustrating” experience for her.

However, Dr. Ross believes that there are multiple factors that contribute to the dynamics of a conflict. Thus, “you have to take a holistic approach to understand the various factors that impact the behavior(s) or personalities of parties to a conflict. Also, “the resolution that you come up with needs to [effectively] address those underlying factors or variables.”

She identified the entrenched role of culture in conflicts as one thing that is easily overlooked by mediation practitioners. “We fail to consider how important culture is to conflict [dynamics] and the way in which we address the conflict or our attempts to mediate it,” she noted. Culture, she said, ought to be critically considered when mediating a conflict.

Affiliation with MBBI

Meanwhile, Dr. Ross feels a “personal” passion for helping people to have conversations with each other. It is this desire for resolving disputes or simmering tensions through dialogue that attracted her to MBBI. She is a member of MBBI’s Children and Youth Alternative Dispute Resolution Working Group (C & Y ADR) through which she presented on the “Origins and Consequences of Family Conflict and How Antagonism Adversely Impacts Children.” She became a member about a year ago and is happy to have made that choice. She described her membership with MBBI in these words:

I have had very positive experiences and exchanges. I was able to go to the conference last Fall. That was amazing. I got to meet with lots of different people. Really, one of the pivotal moments of that conference was knowing that I share similar interests (the conflict in Northern Ireland) with some the participants. I met and chatted with Padraig O’Malley.

An article by Fatoumata Fofana Bility, MBBI Writer

Rudy Westervelt, CEO of ‘Power In Learning’ introduced himself as “a Rotarian, a business owner, and a humanitarian trying to resolve conflicts locally and around the world.” In this interview, we traced his journey from a businessman to a peacebuilder influencing and making this world a better place.

Through MBBI, Rudy explained that he has been able to build connections with great mediators and humanitarians worldwide and had the privilege of taking classes with the father of modern mediation, Kenneth Cloke. Rudy recommends “anybody and everybody who is able to sit down and cause a conversation between two parties, be it somebody who studied mediation or engaged in business like me” to join MBBI.

When asked, Rudy instantaneously preferred mediation over litigation. He explained that while there is a winner-looser stance in litigation, mediation provides a win-win situation. In mediation, “both parties come to a vision together with a third and better solution that is agreeable to both.” He recommended the following fundamentals for a mediator to follow:

• Set ground rules where parties can sit down and negotiate in a secure environment.
• Be impartial and shall not choose sides.
• Facilitate the discussion, act as a facilitator.
• Try to bring out from each party, their thoughts and the way they think.
• Understand the variety of conscious and unconscious biases and develop an understanding over and above it.
• Continue learning every day because no two mediations can be the same.

There are many experiences that played a major role in shaping Rudy’s journey as a mediator, a peacebuilder. He has been involved in ‘Rotary Youth Camps’, such as ‘Rotary Youth Leadership Awards’ for many years. He explained to us how everybody at the camp wears same color sweatshirts and are divided into teams of equal numbers of males and females. There is a culture walk which gives students a chance to share and understand that they are not the only ones handling problems. The students are asked deeper questions that they may have faced, including about harassment, abuse, and bullying. “And that’s where a girl spoke about her being raped once and a 7th-grade boy expressed how he would like his mother’s boyfriend to stop beating her. Also, a young girl said that her best friend committed suicide because of being cyberbullied.” By the end of the stay, they come out of their shell, their ability to connect with each other and create peace between them increases.  Rudy has continued focusing on saving and improving the lives of children globally.

“Each of us can be a peace builder and should be.”

Another experience was during his time at Kroger Co. He made sure that his employees represented all genders and races who lived in the surrounding communities. He reflected on how each person was given the right tools to be successful. Rudy instituted Behavior Science Technology (BST) into his manufacturing plant to reduce and eliminate workplace accidents.  “This technology really helped in understanding and identifying at-risk behaviors and substituting safe behaviors for at-risk behaviors,” he said. In addition, the same behavioral changes carried over with improvements in cooperation among employees, respect for each other, and improved efficiencies.

Putting his expertise to use, the ‘Peace and Conflict Resolution and Prevention Conference’ in 2016, that Rudy convened, also made a far-reaching impact on society. He shared with us how a Rotarian after this conference, was able to combat human trafficking in northern California with the help of organizations ‘Truckers Against Trafficking and iEmpathize.’ Rudy is the Convenor of the Rotary World Peace Conference 2020 that will build on successes from 2016’s conference and present solutions to major issues in our lives and communities.

Rotary has six peace centers, five of which offer master’s programs and the other is a 3-month certificate program, having over 1000 graduates across the world. Many of the graduates, he explained, are currently working as peace ambassadors with Institute of Economics and Peace.  Many are partnered with Rotary International, and others are working with humanitarian organizations that work on conflict resolution training, literacy, eliminating nuclear risks, and more.

In addition to his efforts to equip youth with the necessary peacebuilding skills, Rudy believes in the crucial role women play in building peace. He expressed his belief by explaining that “if we are going to empower women and girls of all ages, we have to give them the respect and support they need to be successful.” He also gave a word of advice to the male population, “it starts with you,” respect all the females you encounter and “treat others like you want to be treated”.

Rudy had a most meaningful experience when he had the opportunity to go to Haiti last year. In this visit, he was able to see the work that Rotarians were doing while dealing with the poor living conditions due to the earthquake.  “They need to develop a plan for effective waste management,” he explained. Rotary International recently announced a 12-year plan to provide clean water and sanitation for all citizens of Haiti.

Rudy shared the Four-Way Test that Rotarians should use every time they speak or act by asking: “Is it the truth? Is it fair to all concerned? Is it beneficial to all?  Will it build goodwill and better friendships?” He further invites peace builders, members of MBBI and of other communities to:

• Treat each other with respect and dignity
• Help others by using mediation, and active listening and communication skills in your peacebuilding activities each day

“Each one of us has the power individually to make a difference every day,” Rudy concluded.

Article by Divya Sugand, MBBI Writer